slut-problems: I had been meaning to do this, to finally give…

slut-problems:

I had been meaning to do this, to finally give myself over to him. I needed love and attention and I knew that the best way to get it from him was to surrender myself, to give myself over, to fully submit. I was afraid for so long and I pretended that I had submitted to him. I told him, “Yes Sir,” and “Thank you, Sir,” when he needed me to but we both knew there was a piece missing, that last little sliver of myself I was holding back for myself. He wanted that piece too. He vowed that he would get it from me, that he would make me decide to give it to him freely. Every night, his words haunted me as he whispered commands into my ear, as he laid my head back over the side of the bed and fucked my face until my eyes were filled with my own spit, until the blurry outlines of his intentions faded into something that I thought was love. I loved him. I wanted to give him all of me but I was afraid. What if I gave him everything and he ruined me? What if he completely ruined my heart and mind with his perversions forever? What would he have me do? How many people would he make me fuck? How badly would the rope burns sting? 

How would he win me over? How would he take the last sliver of dignity and hope away from me? I didn’t know how, I only knew that he would do it. He would break me down one brutal blow job at a time until there was nothing left of me but the parts that he owned, until he owned all of me, until I finally submitted myself completely to him. It didn’t matter if I was afraid. He would take me where he wanted me to go. He would possess me no matter how hard I fought it. He was dominant enough that he could take it all at once, but I knew he enjoyed taking each tiny piece at a time from me so he could watch the soul drain from my eyes one bit at a time until my eyes were vacant and my brain ready to accept his new programming. 

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